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November 10, 2006

Advice To Republicans


(Well, it’s the end of a one very long and memorable roller-coaster ride in which, at its culmination, the political skies tore open, a brilliant bolt of lightening stuck (twice), and the House of Kitsch was swept away.  Through this stretch, of course, we’ve been blogging like crazy.  For an outfit that averages something like 1.012 posts per day, on Wednesday, we actually did three!  Considering all that, as well as the inordinate seriousness one typically encounters around here, indulge us while we loosen the reins.)


In analyzing all the political analysis of 11/7, how could The BAG  fail to offer its own two cents of advise to the faded red party.  For inspiration, I turn to Tuesday night’s single shining light in the elephantocracy — a promotional genius who smelled something very, very bad in the air and who pre-determinated, well in advance, how to avoid losing his seat or feet.

The approach Arnold settled on exactly mirrors the recommendation I urge all war-torn, scandal-ridden Repubs to put into effect right now:

Join the party!

However you folks can manage it, be it a wholesale conversion, or just a walk-the-walk commitment to bipartisanship, study the cure of the leader of the world’s fifth largest economy, and:

Join the party!

Arnold, who effectively switched his affiliation a year ago, but just failed to tell anybody, has been having a smooth ride ever since.  Right down to the election night trimmings, he has successfully purged himself of all that divisively patriotic red/white/blue, red-state, blue-state mumbo-jumbo, choosing instead to soothingly triangulate between the greens (a color they particularly relish on the Coast) and the oranges.

So, if you haven’t yet caught my drift, I’m simply suggesting you:

Join the party!

If you could just tone down the anger and join the party, if you could open your hearts and keep track of your wallets, if you could transfer your conquering lust from world domination to a simple global war on ignorance or, say, real health care reform, just imagine what we could do?

If we could get on the same page (and I’m not talking interns), things might be a lot simpler and easier, really.  I mean, if we took your: “We’re Uniters, Not Dividers” and tossed it in with our “Make Love, Not War,” who know….  Look out Woodstock Nation?


Not possible, you say?  Too many hard feelings, you say?  No model for it, you say? Just…

Look West, Republican men and women, look West!

(images: Lucy Nicholson/Reuters. Beverly Hills, November 7, 2006.  Via YahooNews.)

  • limapup

    Love it! He’s surrounded by Mexican colors! Check it out, America – the festive party welcomes everyone.

  • d

    My god, until reading this, I had not realized how totally, utterly, and bitterly sick I am of the colors red, white, and blue.
    (Great post!)
    Please oh great Democrats–newly risen phoenix-like from the ashes of hyperpatriotic hypocrisy– show us more of your bountiful colors! Bless us with oranges and greens and whatever other color you see fit! Turqoises, jades, indigos…! Dare we hope for proud, public pinks?! Or even stable, powerful blacks?!
    Praise be your polychromatic glory!

  • margaret

    But,please, dear god, let us not write a Constitutional Amendment to allow him, as a foreign-born to be President…not that foreign-born would not, in time be okay, but because of his own very, very, very right-wing Austrian roots. Rebranding, as it were, goes only so far. Scratch the surface, please, and don’t fall in love with it before you do.

  • Cristina

    >Look West, Republican men and women, look West!

  • ummabdulla

    I was watching the BBC and saw Arnold’s victory speech. I was amazed that he couldn’t pronounce the word “California”. Not to make fun of immigrants, and I apologize if he has some sort of speech impediment, but if not, how come in all these years he couldn’t learn how to say “California”?!?! That doesn’t bother the people of “Cullyfornia?”?
    I also noticed when seeing various victory and concession speeches that while other politicians’ wives wore the clothes we might expect of them, Maria had a much more glamorous look, in keeping with their Hollywood background…

  • momly

    I am aslo struck bythe pic of Maria who is after all of the Kennedy stock.
    In the picture AH-nuld has his arm up and is smiling and all Look-at-ME victorious, but look very closely at Maria’s face (even though her hubby is attempting to eclipse it with his arm).
    Does not that look like the expression of the REAL politico? She is facing forward, but looking off to the side. She looks sort of like a body guard, present physically, but mentally alert to threats to her charge.
    Most news about AH-nuld mentions Maria in sort of a tangent and if she is mentioned it is through her past career as a reporter and then as a member of the most powerful political clan in US history.
    I think alot of the governator’s turn to the middle – even if it is only a veneer – comes from some pretty sage advice from the woman right behiind him.

  • Doctor Jay

    Here in CA, Ahnuld’s way of talking is much imitated, with amusement, but no malice, really. He is a guy who can change, has very few of the “cultural conservative” dog whistles.
    I think he’s smart enough to figure out that he needed to change his approach by himself last year, though I wouldn’t be surprised if Maria helped him with some family contacts.
    Phil Angelides ran a campaign that focused almost entirely on Ahnuld’s ties with Bush, e.g., the Republican convention. That seemed pretty dumb. Gray Davis lost the recall because he never gave voters a reason to be for him, only reasons to be against the other guy. Angelides did the same thing, but the Governator was very effective at countering it.

  • GeorgeF

    Dear Margret, Arnies father may have been a Nazi, but please don’t blame Arnie for that! At least he had shown kind of European / Austrian multicultural awareness. Don’t forget that Austria in the good old time had been a Nation being set tgether of Germans, Hungarians, Chechs, Slovakians, Croatians, Slovenians, Poles, Jews and not to mention a number of other nations. The Nazi-history of Austria was a very brief period of less than 10 years in comparison to the hundreds of years, whithin which so many different nations lived peacefull together in Austria. And of course Maria and her clan has some influence on him.

  • Cactus

    Ahnuld acts the governor as well as he acted in all those idiotic movies. He HAS NOT changed into a democrat but is savvy enough to make nice and say the right words to get elected. There was a health care bill passed by both houses shortly before the election. Ahnuld vetoed it! So much for becoming less right-wing.
    How did he get elected after doing so many things wrong? That includes a totally unnecessary mid-term election to get voter approval for his right-wing agenda and which cost us about seventy million dollars. A lot (if not most) of the Hollywood liberal elite voted for him because ‘he’s a friend.’ Other Hollywood types because they wanted to be friends. The great unwashed because they just dig his movies and think he will ‘kick butts’ of all those useless politicos like he does in his movies. And because they love to repeat all his little quips, not realizing that it’s not his words but the writers’.
    Ahnuld is a good salesman. He sold the people of California a bill of goods just to get elected and sold us down the river with the Enron settlement for pennies on the dollar. THAT’s why he was elected.
    As for Angelides, it would not surprise me if we learned that the republicans pumped some anonymous money into his campaign in the primary so that he could win over Westly, whom I thought would have a much better chance against Ahnuld. It was a very nasty race with constant mud-slinging by both.
    ummabdulla, we once had a mayor of LA who pronounced the city’s name Lo-sang-leeze with a hard ‘g.’ I still cringe, as I do with Ahnuld. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did it on purpose, just to stand out from the crowd. Most actors have speech coaches and try to eliminate all native accents unless called for in the part. Not Ahnuld. But then no one ever accused him of being a good actor.
    And if you all think that this California native is angry……you’d be right.

  • ummabdulla

    Yeah, Cactus, I can’t believe it would be difficult to learn how to say “Cal” instead of “Cul”. The “a” sound isn’t one that he seems to have difficulty with otherwise.
    I have to ask – who was the mayor who said “Lo-sang-leeze”?

  • Cactus

    ummabdulla, that mayor was Sam Yorty, mayor from ‘61-’73, a conservative, racist, ‘democrat’ in the tradition of the old southern ‘dixiecrats.’ Some think he contributed to tensions that broke out in the Watts riots of ‘65. He certainly was a continuous embarrassment and his overt racism probably led directly to the election of our first black mayor, Tom Bradley. Another distinction Yorty had was campaigning against and then abolishing LA’s early recycling program.

  • Samantha

    Something about that first photo reminds me of another photograph I saw of Arnold which pictured him holding a naked female on his shoulders, with ample breasts exposed. The two green balloons remind me of that, and Arnold has the same smile.
    He seems invigorated.
    Anyway, Arnold’s flight from conservatism should be just more proof positive that this election was shaped by a progressive agenda not a conservative one. Let’s hope the DNC understands that.

  • Cactus

    Samantha: IMHO the DNC very well understands that, witness Dean’s 50-state plan. It’s the DLC we have to worry about. They fight Dean at every turn and rush to be ‘centrists’ (read ‘to the right’). That’s where Clinton came from and he couldn’t wait to get CAFTA and such republican programs passed.

  • quax

    if you are not aware that Vienna is one of the few cities in Europe were Anti-Semitism is still tacitly considered in good taste you need to travel more. It is no by chance that Hitler spent his formative years there. Also you seem to be rather idealizing the old empire. The Austrian empire was moribund and decadent at the end and anything but inclusive. The multi-culture goodness that came off it was by accident and not design.

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