Queer Eye for the Pregnant Guy

Surrogatebed

Is this shot from last Friday’s NYT cover just a little too gay?

Between the print and on-line version of the Times, I must have looked at this image at least three times before I realized it wasn’t a scene from a stage play. Instead, it shows Anthony Ramos, a gay prospective father, laying next to Dawn Buras, a woman who has been hired by Ramos and his partner to bear the couple a child.

In studying the picture, I can’t help wondering if it is exploitive of gays, overindulgent of the surrogate, and pushing the line when it comes to the staging of news photos. Of course, you also can’t look at this image right now without considering it in light of the supercharged political atmosphere surrounding “moral values,” gay marriage, and even “the culture of life.”

One of the points in the article is that couples (gay or straight) that hire a surrogate often become close to that person during the pregnancy (and, in some cases, remain so). Nonetheless, as a photo on the front page of a national newspaper, the unusual intimacy makes me wonder if the paper felt more liberty because the subject involves gays. Should we assume it is more acceptable to show a man in his bed with his jungle print pillows, posed in a completely vulnerable and seemingly unaware position, using dramatic lighting to dramatize the scene because these are elements consistent with gay stereotypes?

Also, if a point of this article is to profile the equality of gay surrogacy, what is the impact of Mr. Ramos in such a sublimated and possibly fetal position? Or, the fact Ms. Buras looks more established at home than Mr. Ramos? What does this say about the maturity of the gay father if the surrogate comes off looking more his mommy?

And then, what politics and sensibilities are involved in showing the surrogate and the one parent in bed together? In part, is it supposed to soften the edge of a controversial story by making it seem like these two are a straight couple? By showing just one of the gay men with the surrogate, does it attempt to “force fit” gay parents into a more traditional model, as if one was “more father” and the other “more mother?” Finally, how much would this image stand if it depicted a straight couple? As the article relates, there is never sexual relations between a couple member and the surrogate. Could you imagine the sense of contradiction, though, if Mr. Ramos was lying here representing a straight couple?

Still, of all the problems I have with this image, I can’t get over how staged it is. Even buying into the heavy handed lengths to which this image was scripted, I still have one question: Instead of having Mr. Ramos gazing at the magazine, why wouldn’t they have had him staring at the pregnant belly?

(image: Ginia Bellafante for The New York Times. May 27, 2004 in The New York Times. p.A1)

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http://www.slyfelinos.com/slyblog/ jillian

I am bothered by this photo.
It shows the “gay” man as childlike, immature and completely immasculated.
It shows a woman that many would consider not “good enough” for heterosexuals. i.e, “heavy” “not attractive” “dumpy”
It visually conjures up and reemphasizes the phrase “fag hag”
Johanna

I would have preferred to see the two fathers sitting on either side of the surrogate mother – on a setee perhaps – each with an arm around her, everyone looking (and smiling) directly into the camera, or perhaps, having the two fathers looking at her belly, where their child was being nurtured into life.
Yes, that type of staged image would have been lovely.
Peace. Johanna
Aunt Deb

When I saw this photo and read the caption/headline, I wondered what the heck was the matter with that woman. Why is she in bed?? It made me try to remember stories about surrogates in general — what sort of pictures were used. I don’t think that generally the surrogate is posed in bed. Is this supposed to make you think the pregnancy is “problematic”?
cj

Looks like a grab from a John Waters film.
Tilli (Mojave Desert)

The caption reads:
“Dawn Buras, a surrogate, was watched over by Anthony Ramos, a prospective father, after undergoing an embryonic transfer in March.”
Was the photo taken then at the fertility clinic and she’s just fat rather than further along in her pregnancy?
MB

I think all of you are homophobic. I personally know the guy in the picture and know that the photographer took over 200 photos that day, there was no special lighting, they all were in a hotel room and for those of you ignorant to the IVF transfer process, the surrogate needs to be on bed rest for 48 hours afterwards. I applaud the NYTimes for putting this article on the front page. It is a wake-up call to the sheltered hetero people that think families are made one way. Shame on you all. I’m disgusted by your comments, it is so easy to judge others and hardest to judge oneself. All of you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror and see if you like what you truly see.
Molly

MB, did the couple have any input regarding which of the 200 pictures would be published?
Also, I did not hear anyone in the comments suggesting that families are all “one way”. I read much more negative sterotyping of the surrogate’s appearance, and that is a shame.
I think Joanna’s comment is a good one; I think of the 200 pictures taken, there may have been a better one that demonstrates the new bond between the men and this woman and what they are all doing to bring about life together, yes?
MB

Molly,
No the couple had no say over what picture the reporter chose or how the final story was printed. All I can say is this couple has had a very difficult time getting pregnant and it has been a long road for them. Let’s remember the media can spin something anyway they want – it sells papers and promotes viewership. Never take anything at face value when it comes to the media.
MB
DB

Just so you know, I am the woman in that photo and MB is right, we are in a hotel room so nothing was staged. I was on bed rest for 48 hours so that is why I was in bed. As for me being “fat” or “dumpy”… I have been through many IVF cycles with this couple which makes you gain weight and also I am laying down some, looking down at a magazine. I will tell you that during those 48 hours, we had dinner together, read lots of magazines together, played games from inside the magazines like answer questions and such and we also lounged together watching tv. We were very close friends and laying in a king size bed while waiting for their baby to start growing was nothing short of beautiful. I can’t believe I just found this article after all these years. It was an amazing journey with those 2 men and I loved that they felt comfortable enough with me to lay in bed with me and read together.
About the leopard print pillows as someone put it were not leopard print, they were some design on the pillow and it just so happened to be a print that the hotel chose.
The BAG

DB, I always appreciate it when someone “from a photo” discovers the site, and lends direct insight into what we, here, can only relate to as an artifact in media and/or political space.